Some of you joined Twitter for one reason.


You need access to their minds.  Their non-refundable nuggets of wisdom.

You’ve joined Twitter for this:

Celebrity Tweet

The biggest thrill is when a celebrity follows you.  You’ve been chosen.

And you can totally throw it in the faces of others.

Alyssa Milano follows me!  Who follows you?  Your MOM?

Not to squeeze my own moobs on this, but I have a few celebrities that follow me.  My crown jewel was Jesse James, soon-to-be-ex-husband of Sandra Bullock.


Maybe I shouldn’t be too proud of that.

I’ll show you in five simple ways how you, too, can be followed by a celebrity.

1. Find The Right Target.

Tom Hanks?  Too hard.  He follows 27 people.  One for every Oscar he’s won.

Spencer Pratt?  Follows 80,000.  That’s do-able.

Although you’ll have to put up with this.


2. The Little Guy Runs Everything.

The secret to showing your super hot body to celebrities is to work their network.  Remember that celebrities have a ring of non-celebrities that they turn to.

Managers, agents, guys who make their fun juice drinks!  That’s who you need to key in on.  The fun juice drink guy.  If you can get him to follow you, you’re on your way up.


This guy is thinking about what fun juice drink to make next.

3. Do Not Engage.

People think that if they just tweet to celebrities, the celebrity will discover the blossoming personality flowering inside them and add them immediately.



What is she supposed to do with that.

4. Get Your Follower/Following Count In Order.

If you want anyone to follow you, not just a celebrity, act like you don’t need them.  That’s what people don’t do.  They follow thousands of people, only to have nobody follow them back.

It’s like dudes who ask out hundreds of chicks only to get one severely drunk girl with cataracts to finally make out with them.

You think anyone wants to be the one who took a chance on you?

via Shutterstock

God bless alcohol and congenital cataracts.

5. Have Something Going On.

People want to buy into something.

Take an inventory of your skills and amplify them.

Suppose you’re Rex, a plumber from Melbourne, FL.  Noble profession.  But what if you made a video where you took an iPad and flushed it down a toilet?  Now you’re not just a dude with the name of a Golden Retriever, you’re the guy with the iPad toilet video!

Now you have something to link to.  People want to follow you just to see what you’ll flush down the toilet next.

Please make it Spencer Pratt.

There you have it.  Five quick tips on getting a celebrity to follow you.  I’ll end with this: you don’t need a celebrity following you.  Your life isn’t going to change if you can suddenly DM Anderson Cooper.

And it’s fleeting.

I remember when Lisa Rinna followed me.  I tweeted and then she immediately unfollowed me.


This was after she complained about how she couldn’t work Twitter.

Apparently, not the ‘unfollowing’ part.

That she could do.

But it’s good.  I’m a big dope with barely anything to say.  The people that follow me on Twitter, including celebrities, could unfollow me any day.


I’ll still have my mom.