Have you ever been blocked by someone on Facebook or Twitter?
That was rhetorical, dopey.
You’ve been blocked.
There’s been a point in time where someone evaluated your contribution to their world and said:
Then they ensured they would never ever see you again by removing you completely from their lives.
Here’s five signs you’re about to be blocked.
1. Someone Asks You “How Do You Find The Time To Update So Much”?
This is a key phrase.
How do you find the time.
It means people are getting tired of your constant Facebook posts about your ass itching. Or your tweets about your pee hurting. Or your FourSquare check-in to an STD clinic.
2. You’ve Been Put On Limited Profile On Facebook.
The first step to Facebook blocking is the limited profile.
You always got to see hot pictures of her in super tiny bikinis and then one day, boom.
She likes True Blood.
That’s all her profile says.
What are we supposed to do with that?
3. People Who RTed You Blindly Don’t Anymore.
You know those people who RT any random shit you say?
I like cheese.
RTed by 4 people.
People all over Twitter now know some fat hairy blogger likes cheese.
If they stop RTing that I like cheese or my cheese-related activities, it means other people are really getting sick of me.
These people are my nerdy barometer.
I don’t know what a barometer is.
I just heard someone use that once.
4. You Find Yourself Trying Harder To Please People.
People on Twitter and Facebook try their hardest to prove that they’re intelligent, smart and charming.
That sounds exhausting.
I, on the other hand, have proven I’m an incredible shithead.
It can only go up from here.
Actually, it’s gone down, but whatever.
If you’re sitting there overthinking, over-tweeting, over-poking, you’ve lost it.
It’s like that dude who tries really hard to win a chick over and then realizes she doesn’t return his feelings via court restraining order.
Thanks Sarah from Queens.
Because that was what I needed.
5. When You Realize Someone Has Unfollowed Or De-friended You, You Try To Contact Them To Find Out Why.
There is nothing more painful than watching someone find out why they’ve been left.
It’s a key sign that you’ll be left again.
Hey Mike! How are you bud? lol Just noticed you deleted me on Facebook and unfollowed me on Twitter! lol! Wondering if I did anything wrong?! lmao.
Those creepy lols just make things worse.
There you have it. If you’ve identified with these signs, you’re probably blocked by hundreds of people right now.
It’s better than a restraining order.